Blank Canvas

So in my saddened state of mind the past couple days, I decided to clean my room; and I mean really clean. Tucked away into a safe place that I surprisingly had forgotten, I found one of my last birthday cards from him on my sixteenth birthday. Although it tore at my insides to read, I think it was just the thing I was subconsciously looking for: a little piece of hope. Since graduatating I haven't practiced much art, for lack of inspiration, confidence and a lack of motivation. But reading those words that I had somehow lost along the way, I know he would want me to be happy and would want me to "reach for the stars", in his very own words. "The world is mine, and I have all the promise in the world, with so much to give". Art was something we shared and I lost my lust for it during the past couple years being an art major, which may make sense to only a few. Now is my time to shine and do what I love and do it well. I felt no meaning to do it since I've been home, since grades are no such requirement these days, which is ironic because when I was in school all I wished for was to not be an art student. Today is a new day though; I have my freedom, a brush in my hand and a blank canvas surrounding my future. Although he told me in that card how proud he already was of me, I know I can only reach higher, if not for me, for him.


"Love you forever",
Jaclyn

7 years : 2555 days...

Seven years and I'm not even sure how it's been this long. Seven years I have lived my life without him by my side and it still hurts everyday. I miss everything about him, his laugh, smile, his tired eyes after a long day of work, and his hugs. Everyday since August 17th, 2002, I have lived with this immense pain in my heart and in my chest. They say time heals everything but when you lose someone you love so dearly, I'm not so sure thats true.

Death is a strange and awful thing. Everyday I replay that whole day when I got the phone call and remember that whole week of events to follow, but when days such as his anniversary comes up, it makes it more painful. You surprise yourself on how strong you are to have gotten through so much without him, but it doesn't make you feel better; and really what else can you do but be strong? The one thing that gets me through is my family and friends, without them I don't think I could have made it here today in one piece. They are my rock and my happiness, along with my dad who will always have my heart.

"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, but love leaves a memory no one can steal."

Vacation...

Leaving for LBI tomorrow. Bitter-sweet I suppose. However, I did get two new books yesterday from Barnes & Noble with some help from mommy dearest. Time for some rest and relaxation plus the love of family : )

(View from our porch)

Hope from a bottle

After a couple glasses of pinot grigio, I am actually finding myself stumped for words. I spent the afternoon reflecting in the hot tub on the back deck, making dinner for myself and relaxing with a glass of wine, yet I haven't come to any new conclusions. I deleted my last post because I felt I was bordering on the line of desperation and well, pathetic. I just want to find happiness within myself, as I keep saying in my past entries. However, I also wrote those entries while being deluded in my own excitement of this upcoming week. One would think, between being through all the heartache in my life I would be quite cynical about love but for some reason, that's the one thing I still have hope for. Unfortunately, I thought it would happen with him. 

On another note, I wish writing about love and sex was my occupation, much like the amazing Carrie Bradshaw of Sex & the City. I'm sure I'm not the only girl out there that loves the life she lives, I'm just speaking aloud.  Ah, what a life I would lead to be a columnist living in Manhattan, buying every piece of vintage or dare I say designer clothing, all while trying to find love. Dare to dream...

Girl in the Mirror

"I'm Starting With The Man In The Mirror

I'm Asking Him To Change His Ways

And No Message Could Have Been Any Clearer

If You Wanna Make The World A Better Place

Take A Look At Yourself, And Then Make A Change"

As I pound my feet on the treadmill at the gym, my typical motivational song to get me going was always some upbeat hip-hop song that wanted me to shake my butt. Lately, however, it has been the legandary MJ song, "Man in the Mirror". It's such a powerful song that as a child is overlooked as a good song and now as an adult it has so much more meaning. Yes, I was not always the biggest MJ supporter, and I am guilty of realizing what a magnificant musician and person he was after his death, but better late than never I suppose.

It's the one song on my playlist now that I really relate to these days. It gives me the courage to know I need and want to change things about myself, and have the will to keep at it. I have struggled with such awful self-esteem and self-image my whole life; somewhat like MJ. Although I don't have the battle wounds of plastic surgery to prove it, my battles with myself are more internal than anything. From not being confident enough as an artist, a lover, and just as a beautiful human being, it has effected me in so many ways and held me back from relationships in my life and opportunities.

So I am taking my first step into caring for myself and sticking with it this time. I am cooking healthy meals, hardly ever eating carbs (not so much by choice but because I am allergic), and working out 2-3 hours a day. Yes, some may look at this and say thats only working on your physical apperance, but for me, it's the stem of all issues with myself. If I feel better about myself physically, I will feel more confident in meeting people and being comfortable in my own skin helping me be a better person overall.

I am taking more strides into taking care of myself emotionally, but that is a longer, harder process for me. Much harder than putting on sneakers and hitting the gym, although, some days are harder than others! I will be a better person, a happier, more beautiful version of myself. If I were to say it wasn't a struggle to love myself and my life everyday, I would only be lying. But like I said in my last post, one step at a time...

"I'm gonna make a change for once in my life, it's gonna feel real good, gonna make a difference, gonna make it right . . "

A new beginning...

So after a year of not using my blog, I've decided to rekindle this little piece of me. With a little push from my very closest friends, I am going to start using this blog not only as an artistic outlet for my ideas but as an open memoir at the end of my days.

"A New Beginning" like the title of this posting if significant to me in not only starting to blog again but to a new start of taking care of me. This whole summer for me has been a journey to taking care of myself, mentally and physically as well as finding my strengths and weaknesses as an artist, a friend, a daughter and sister. Living at home since graduation, has tested me in all sorts of ways and being home for a total of 7 months now, I've learned a lot about myself and am continuing to discover more about myself than I did in college.

From sunny days to rainy days and all in between, I take each day one at a time, trying to better myself. Whether it means going to the gym, looking up continuing education programs, mapping out a new professional career, finding new foods and recipes for my disease, each day is one step closer to becoming a stronger, better version of myself. One step at a time...

Alternative materials...

So I was browsing through the internet trying to find more ways jewelers used alternative materials. I've seen the whole cement and resin thing used before but I found some really cool pieces of jewelry out there that I loved. Since I have used both resin and cement before in my alternative materials class, I really wanted to venture out into the food world but I still love to see all these other forms of materials used.

These pieces are by the artist, Andrea Williams. All of these pieces are absolutely amazing! I could not stop looking up more works she has done. Most of her works are made from precious metals and pebbles, rocks, stones and quartz; all in which she tries to capture the essence of inprobable beauty. She has strong beliefs on the way jewelry should be worn and wants her clients to feel more in touch with nature rather than the materialism and power. I also found it very interesting that she customizes pieces for you if you have a special stone she wants you to use which I think is brilliant!

These pieces to your right, are by an artist, Jennifer who started her own jewelry business called Bumblesea. All of her pieces I think are so eye catching and unique but could still appeal to the less-artsy appreciative crowd. These pieces are made with hand-etched copper and that bright jade-colored fiberglass backing. Said to be light weight and very durable which I think adds to its organic yet playful look. She also works with other alternative materials so take a look at her site Bumblesea.

These pieces by Anna Sofia Poirier are everything made by what you would least expect! At first I thought it was either acrylic or or recycled plastic plates but they are actually stacked paper! Each piece consists of meticulously cut and stacked layers of illustration board, which is then covered by tiny pieces of decorative paper and a special finishing glaze. A very simple idea maybe but you have to have good stable hands for that as well as patients I'm sure. She also makes custom pieces like these as bracelets and earrings. Again I think these pieces are very playful yet stylish and could appeal to just about anyone.

These amazing pieces to your right are by Holly Anne Mitchel. These newspaper jewelry designs are made from cut strips what are carefully hand-formed into uniform beads then stitched together. Some are lightly embellished with metal, glass or swarovski crystal beads. She also incorporates sweetener packets and lottery tickets or can customize any order. She has done pieces made from wedding invitations or specific/important articles to people. Check out her other pieces that are available here!

These two works below are by Frances Smersh. The ones to the left consist of pigmented concrete in sterling-silver bezel settings. Its very modern yet elegant twist I think really make these pieces stand out. Smersh offers many different design and color variations to his clients which I think helps apply to a larger clientel group. The cuff links on the bottom right are made with pigmented concrete, cork, fresh water pearls and sterling silver mixed. I think they are very masculine but in a softened more elegant yet rugged way (make sense?). He offers a lot of other styles in any kind of jewelry you could want so take a look at a website that sells a majority of his pieces!